06.07.2025 about a film nerd, emphasis on the nerd because he is a nerd.

    as i sit  alone  in my bedroom figuring out what to write today       [well,        tonight..]

                 i think about my friend,          tobey 

   i think about his     undying     neverending support toward  almost  everything that i choose to do.             all the big, heavy choices 

                   and, all the small  "meaningless" ones

since i brought up the idea of this writing challenge,        tobey has been cheering me on the loudest

       every night       (or the morning after)       he's read my pieces, he's given me feedback,  made little comments    and / or given compliments about my writing, like:

  " YOU ALWAYS GOT SOMETHING PERCIVAL FIDELIA "

          " RARE HAPPY PERCY POEM WOOOOOOO "

      " this is so sweet "

" it makes me so happy to see these, even after seeing the "i got nothing today" "

[ just a few from the past few pieces i've written]

actually,  he's been cheering me on  looong  before this writing challenge

     he's been cheering me on    with every project that i've set my mind to

                          the completed ones, and even

                          the uncompleted one

    sometimes,      i truly feel like giving up when it comes to my writing 

i think it's pointless,

                                     writing and       fighting to be heard  and having no one pay any real attention

     i think it is a waste of time

                         since personally i do not see myself as someone who is really good at writing [and nobody pays much attention, anyway]

      nobody reads anymore, my opinion(s) and the words i speak / write hold        no meaning..

tobey doesn't allow me to give up 

tobey demands that i do NOT give up

tobey is my audience, 

          i know i do not have to write for anyone, but sometimes when i do —     i write for tobey to read because i know that he will,  and i know he will discuss it with me 

         tobey is my dearest friend

     he is kind       and compassionate

                            he is the best friend you can ever ask for, genuinely

whenever i think that there is no one in my corner

tobey will always takes a peek around the bend, reminding me that he is always there            no matter what 

sometimes i wonder,            for what pupose do i speak?

                         for what purpose do i write?

      and tobey                    reminds me exactly what that purpose is. 

  i write for myself,

            i write to  understand  myself

                         to   get to know myself better

i write to be heard    and i write to finally be seen, but i do not write for others. 

        i am grateful to have a friend like tobey

one day, i hope to write something      that captures his essence in a way that does him justice,  but      for now                this piece that i've quickly written from the corner of my  very old mattress will have to do :)