03.07.2025 intertwined legs

 earlier this afternoon,                     i went to fort george with my mom, 
                      my dad,                 and my boyfriend
     momentarily, it seemed as if all my problems         all washed away
     as if everything was as it should be;          as
                    it was meant to be

        even though, i felt quite ill 

it was my boyfriend’s first time at the fort
          i think he enjoyed it;        it’s often hard to tell with him what he  likes and doesn’t

                 my parents were getting along

they were smiling and laughing together — we were all            sharing a large pizza and a family-sized breadsticks  —         it’s rare to ever

           see them like this; they are not very fond of each             other.

                          i am always under the impression

           that they hate each other.
i used to assume that was a fault of mine                but i believe that hate began to boil up slowly,  long before me.

                  my dad and my boyfriend managed to have a  short  conversation, they were laughing      

  and grinning 

my boyfriend      seemed to enjoy their conversation quite a bit.

for a moment everything  felt like         it was meant to be;
                       peaceful

almost perfect

right now,            my boyfriend and i are cuddling in bed

our legs are intertwined

                            and we are both incredibly warm; 

                 and            we’re talking             about ourselves
          and            we’re talking about the day
i wish          i wish i could have the day, again 
   even though,                 i felt quite ill 

     i wish 

       i wish i could have                  the day again and not
              feel quite so ill..
and experience it for               everything that it was 
            i may never experience that feeling of

       almost perfection with my family again; not for a long time

     maybe not ever

but i hang on to it 
                     i hang on to it very tightly
between the [barely] spaces        of our intertwined legs